Where you stop the ball in that arc then dictates how much and in what direction you put that spin on the ball. The game also allows you to put spin on your ball, based on an arcing dotted line. Cursed to Golf has completely solid physics, so the game requires you to gauge the necessary strength of your swing as well as the angle at which you need to hit the ball. Once you’ve chosen, you have a swing meter that governs how hard you hit the ball, and yes, that matters. You can select one of three clubs for taking your shot: a driver, a wedge, and an iron, depending on whether you’re dealing with distance, need to go around corners, or are just giving the ball a good whack. In Golfing Purgatory, there’s no rule about not harassing golfers taking their shots. Real golf, no matter the scale, also involves navigating around hazards, but while hazards on a physical course extend to water elements, sand traps, and in one notable experience, an alligator, in Cursed to Golf, you’re dealing with zombies or explosions because why not. Each time you die, the Groundskeeper changes the course, which is where Cursed to Golf’s roguelike elements come into play. If you don’t finish the hole in those five shots, you die. In any case, in Cursed to Golf, you don’t get the chance to bogey anything because you get exactly five shots. I’ll admit that the last time I held any form of golf club, it was a miniature course located inside an old hotel, so don’t take my word as gospel on that. If you go over, you “bogey” the hole and incur a penalty. Your goal as a player is to sink the ball in the hole in fewer strokes than par. I vaguely recall that golf has “par,” which is the number of strokes a hole is expected to take. However, that’s where the whimsy ends, and the most brutal game I’ve ever played begins. The dialogue is genuinely funny, for the most part, though it does trend toward the pun-laden. The deliberately old-school graphics and cute designs only add to that experience. However, Cursed to Golf takes that absurdity and leans into it hard enough that the game somehow comes out as being adorable rather than insane. If you think the premise is absurd, then we’re definitely on the same page. If you fail at any one of these holes, the Groundskeeper, the demonic presence overseeing this insanity, takes you back to start all the way at the first tee. He falls through Golf Purgatory, and in order to return not only to the land of the living but also to the moment of his victory that death so cruelly snatched from his grasp, he must complete 18 holes on this monstrous, a term I mean literally, golf course. In Cursed to Golf, your character is a competitive golfer who perishes in a freak accident just before he could sink that last hole (is that a golf term? I have no idea) and win the tournament.
I have to say, however, if real golf had been half as entertaining as golfing while fighting ghosts, I might have made his investment in golf lessons worthwhile.
Growing up, my father was a huge fan of the sport, and though he tried to get both myself and my brother to join him on the fairway, it really only stuck with one of us.
However, the title captured my attention, mostly because I could honestly believe that Hell would be a game of golf that never ended. I realize that it’s not yet October, so perhaps jumping on this particular game is a little less than timely.
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